Personalities and Careers
Over the past week I’ve been reflecting on how different the personalities are of my friends and family. According to the 9 personality types theory, I am a type 4 and my husband is either a type 1 or type 6. I have to do some more reading about his type because he pretty much tied between the two on the Enneagram test.
I have also been thinking a lot about career choices. My brother got ordained this weekend and is continuing down a very difficult but rewarding path of ministry. He admitted that it took him a while to come to the decision, and it has been a hard road. But he finished his apprenticeship and I think God really has met him in his pursuits and consecrated him to be a worship pastor.
I don’t think what I’m doing now is particularly difficult OR rewarding. I pretty much know I’m not doing what I was born to do. I go through periods of depression and hopelessness where I don’t think I’ll ever know what I was born to do, what my singular passion is, or even what hobbies interest me. Sometimes I’m more at peace about this predicament. Over the past 4 months or so I have been learning to not stress so much about it. But after this weekend, I’m starting to think about it more, and get hopeless again.
I think my “calling” and my personality are closely intertwined. When I think about that too much I get really confused. Is my personality tailored to be used as a tool to help me in my calling…or did God give me a specific calling based on my personality? It’s a chicken-and-egg thing that doesn’t really matter-probably both are true.
Thinking about careers and such gets me thinking about the “permissive will” of God versus the “perfect will” of God. Theologians describe the permissive will of God to be that which God allows to happen as a result of our own choices as people having free will, even when it is directly against God’s ultimate plan.
During my more anxiety-ridden days, I sit and worry that I am missing God’s perfect plan for my life, that I will always wander aimlessly around and not be fulfilled or satisfied by anything. During my more peaceful, faith-filled days, I rest in the knowledge that God and I have entered into a blood covenant through his son Jesus, and that has set me on His path. God and I are on this journey together. He is faithful even when I am not.
That still doesn’t answer the question of what I’m supposed to do with my life. But maybe it’s not time for me to know the answer. And I have to be okay with that, because really, it’s out of my control.